OUR WEDDING DAY.

Weddings. So much fun. So much stress. So little time.

I can hardly believe a year has passed since this magical day. I’m still not over it. I don’t care if it sounds cliche, it really was one of the best days of my life.

Some of you may have already seen and read my interview with The Lane (here’s the link incase you missed it). But I thought it was time that I shared some more personal aspects of my wedding, as well as some general thoughts and advice.

WHAT WE DID DIFFERENTLY

Spent the morning together on the day
Of course you should hold onto any of the traditions that resonate with you, but for Tom and I, it really didn’t make sense to spend the morning of the day, all about us and our life starting together, apart. We woke up together, watched the sunrise together and then briefly went our seperate ways before meeting for an ocean swim and smoothie date. It was amazing, and I couldn’t have imagined starting this day any other way.

No bridesmaids or groomsmen
We toyed with this idea for a while, but then decided we didn’t want a distinction between the bridal party and the guests. We shared our day with our closest friends and family, and wanted them all to feel equal in sharing that. But again… each to their own.

First Reveal in private
Keeping some traditions alive, we did get ready separately.  But instead of the first reveal happening as I walked down the aisle, we decided to do a private reveal before the ceremony. This was such a special moment to share on our own and also meant we had more time to share in the joy and excitement of the day together. This also meant we could do most of our portraits prior to the wedding and thus could maximise the time spent with our guests on the day.

Official ceremony in the morning
A little left of centre, and certainly not for everyone. But Tom and I decided that we would do the official celebrant stuff in the morning, and have someone closest to us run the “ceremony” at the wedding. As we had been together for almost 10 years, we wanted someone who could tell our story with an authentic outsider view watching us grow in our relationship. We wanted it to be personal and unique to us and our story.

Also being that we were getting married in Byron Bay, but living in Sydney, we weren’t sure that we could develop that relationship with a celebrant. My eldest brother and another close family friend (almost brother) ran the ceremony at the wedding, and did such an amazing job. It was playful, funny and light but also had such personal reflections on our relationship.

NB: on this one. If you do decide to do something like this, communication is KEY. The official signing of papers etc did not mean much to us. We would have had some kind of celebration of love regardless if we chose to “officially” get married. For us it was more important to have our story told the way we wanted. BUT, everyone has a different view on this side of things, so make sure you inform the key players (aka parents), that perhaps have a different view on this matter than you do.

Ditched table settings for a banquet-style feast
Best decision ever.
It created such a relaxed environment for everyone to mingle, and saved me a crap-load of unnecessary stress trying to arrange tables. I understand this may not be suitable for every kind of venue, but don’t think it has to make it any less fancy (see above photos). It also meant that no one went hungry, had to wait for their food and meant that we could actually eat too but still mingle with all our guests.

 

MAIN ADVICE

Okay so what are my main take-homes from planning a wedding and having it be everything that I ever wanted.

Do it your way/ stay true to yourself
It’s becoming more commonplace that there is no longer one way to have a wedding. So embrace you and your partners values, and your relationship and go with that.

Yes, Tom and I did have completely vegan food at our wedding (but would you have guessed from the above photos?). We contemplated trying to accomodate everyone, but then decided that this was important to us, and the day is about us, and people could deal for one meal in their life! What I did do, was make sure the food was freaking insane and guess what? Not. One. Complaint. (and who could complain when there was donuts, 3 different kinds of raw cheesecake AND a wedding cake).

Make time for each other on the day
Sounds commonsense, but I actually don’t think a lot of brides and grooms get to spend that much time together on the actual day. Which seems BIZARRE considering this day is all about you! Even Tom and I had less time together during the evening, and thats why I’m so grateful we took those special moments together in the morning.

OVER-estimate how long things will take
This one may or may not be on a number of bridal blogs… I didn’t really do my research. But cutting everything down to the minute in your plan will likely mean you are falling behind the whole day. We over-estimated how long things would take aka ceremony, photos etc and hence had some much time up our sleeve to spend extra time with our guests following the ceremony.

Our photographer and videographer remarked that it was the ONLY wedding they had done that had more time than they thought. So save yourself some stress and allocate extra time than you think necessary to each major part of the day. (Ceremony, portraits, speeches etc)

Make it a phone-free occasion
The perfect way to make sure people are actually present on the day. We didn’t go so far as to confiscate peoples phones, but instead made an announcement prior the ceremony that we would appreciate no photos or videos during the ceremony or on the day (and not to post anything on social media). We had chosen the people we wanted to share the day with, and had paid good money to have our day captured beautifully so  there is no need for people to have their phones out snapping away.

And honestly, it made such a difference to the atmosphere during the ceremony. You could feel how present everyone was. It also meant people weren’t sitting around trying to choose what photo to post, instead of just enjoying the damn day.

Focus on what is actually important to you and spend your money wisely
Weddings are expensive. Every part of them. You mention the word wedding and things are just expensive. But that said, you really don’t have to go overboard.

Think about the things that are MOST IMPORTANT to you and your partner (and not what you’re told to value) and spend your money there. For us the way our day was captured was a high priority, as these were going to be our lasting memories. Getting a videographer was one of the best decisions I ever made, as the story is told so differently through video compared to photos. We also prioritised the kind of atmosphere we wanted with our guests, we wanted it to be fun and social so that meant venue was a pretty important choice (as it is for most). I wanted the reception area to feel lush, but I gave my florist a budget and she worked some serious magic.

Do photos before the ceremony – and have a list!
The day honestly goes by SO fast, doing most of our photos before the ceremony was was such a timesaver. It meant we had more time in the afternoon to spend with our closest friends and family and just CELEBRATE. We obviously did the family portraits after the ceremony and we did some additional portraits down by the ocean at sunset. Also make a list of all the different photos you want on the day and with who. This is particularly important with the family portraits to make sure nothing got missed (i.e. grooms family, brides family, whole combined family, bride with siblings, groom with siblings, grandparents etc).

Ditch the traditions you don’t resonate with
I feel like I’ve made this one pretty central throughout the whole post, but again, please don’t buy into traditions or rituals that mean nothing to you. You’ll most likely end of causing yourself unnecessary stress and may end up having regrets.

Keep it small (as is right for you)
This is a difficult one, hence why as I said as is right for you. We ended up having a total of about 55 guests. We were very fortunate that our parents were understanding and didn’t push for us to invite distant relatives or their friends we hardly knew. And our venue was actually quite limiting with numbers, so we had to be selective. I can’t really imagine having much more than this number, as it was already so hard to spend time with everyone there. What we did do to share the day in some way for all the other special people in our life, was to have a wedding BBQ the next day with everyone else. It was a much more relaxed environment to just hang out with everybody.

Have fun!
It’s a serious day, full of love and emotions. I couldn’t make it two words into my vows without crying.. but I am a cryer… But also, don’t take it too seriously. Make sure you day is fun for you and your partner and guests! One of the most fun parts of our day was surprising our guests with a swing-style dance we had learnt and then jumping into the pool straight after. This process of learning the dance was also a really fun project to do together in the lead up to the wedding.

Oh and lastly… change your shoes girls! Or take them off altogether! Getting into sneakers for the reception was sweet relief for my poor feet.

 

ALL THE DETAILS

Dresses / Elly Sofocli
(and the dancing dress was by Alice McCall)

Photographer / Mitch Pohl

Videographer / Joel Tronoff

Florist / Poppy & Fern

Caterers / Greenhouse Canteen

Stylist / Lucy Ewing

Blazer / Custom design by Hatrik

Headpiece / Amber Sceats

Shoes / Senso